It's a Big Girl World
by MissMouseMD
Summary: Meredith's childhood in a series of short stories.
1. Rain

**Title:** It's a Big Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** K+

**Disclaimer:** Don't own nothing.

**A/N:** I don't know if I'll continue this. If you guys think it's any good, I'll write some more, if not, it'll stay a oneshot. It will be a collection of short stories about Meredith's childhood, if I continue. Anyway, review please!**

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**Rain**

**(Age Six)**

_Rain, rain, go away._

_Come again some other day._

The little girl stares out the window.

Rain is coming down in sheets.

Drumming a steady beat on the roof.

Splattering onto the windows.

She's lonely.

Her mommy is busy.

Mommy's always busy.

Daddy's gone.

She doesn't know where he is.

One day, he just wasn't there anymore.

She asked Mommy what happened to him.

Mommy wouldn't answer her.

She got mad.

Mommy's mad a lot.

She sings to herself.

_It's raining, it's pouring._

_The old man is snoring._

All the other kids are different.

They all have daddies.

Their mommies are always home.

They bake cookies.

And make dinner every night.

Her mommy doesn't make dinner every night.

Mostnights, she's not even home.

The housekeeper makes dinner.

She tried to talk to her once.

She doesn't speak English.

_He fell out of bed, and bumped his head._

_And didn't wake up in the morning._

She's lonely.

It's dark out now.

All of a sudden, the rain isn't peaceful.

It's violent.

It holds frightening monsters, created in her mind.

Scared, she runs away from the window.

Tries to cover her ears.

But she can still hear the pounding.

She crawls under the bed.

Where it's safe.

She clutches her stuffed bunny to her.

Maybe Mr. Wabbit will keep her safe.

She hears the thunder.

A whimper escapes her.

She sees the flash of lightning, and she closes her eyes tight.

She lays there for what seems like hours.

Trembling.

And then it's over.

Just like that.

She stays there for a minute.

Just to make sure.

And then she crawls out from her hiding space.

All is clear.

She's okay.

She turns out the light.

Tucks herself in.

And sings herself to sleep.

_He fell out of bed, and bumped his head._

_And didn't wake up in the morning._

_

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_**A/N:** What do you think? Stupid? Please let me know, thanks!


	2. Happy Birthday

**Title:** It's aBig Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** K+

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

**A/N:** I really like writing this story, so I'm going to continue it. I'm writing two stories at the same time now, so the updates might not be as fast. Anyway, please REVIEW! Thanks!

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**Happy Birthday**

**(Age Eight)**

_Happy birthday to me,_

_Happy birthday to me,_

_Happy birthday, dear Meredith,_

_Happy birthday to me._

She's singing to herself.

She sits at the kitchen, drawing pictures.

She begins to draw a cake.

With eight candles.

And _Happy Birthday, Meredith!_ written in icing.

She draws presents around the edges of the paper.

Brightly colored.

With pretty bows.

And tags that say, **To: Meredith **on them.

She finishes her picture.

And smiles.

She tapes it up on the refrigerator, like she's seen other kids' moms do.

She's bored.

It's her birthday, and she's bored.

Her mother isn't home.

She's off at some conference.

In New Jersey.

She walks outside, and sits on the front steps.

She's wearing her prettiest dress.

Because it's her birthday.

One of the boys that lives down the street walks by.

Jimmy Smith.

He sits next to her.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"It's my birthday."

He squints at her.

It's sunny out.

"Then why aren't you having a party?"

She shrugs.

"I didn't want one."

That isn't exactly true.

She did want a party.

A party with a big cake, and candles, and lots of presents.

Like in her picture.

"I don't believe you."

She glares at him.

"It's true. Parties are for babies."

He shakes his head.

"Nuh-uh. I bet your mom said you couldn't have one."

She screams.

"That's not true!"

He yells back, angry now.

"My mommy says your mommy isn't even home. Not home for your birthday! She probably doesn't even care."

She slaps him.

And runs back inside.

Tears streaming down her face.

The housekeeper, Estelle, is nowhere to be seen.

Probably doing the laundry.

Angry, she grabs her birthday picture off the fridge.

And rips it in half.

She still doesn't feel better.

So she rips it again, and again, until it's only a million little pieces.

She leaves the pile of little scraps on the floor.

And runs upstairs.

Slams her door.

And crawls under the bed.

She doesn't want anyone to see her cry.

She lies under there for almost an hour.

Sobbing quietly.

When Ellis Grey comes home two days later, her daughter doesn't run to give her a hug, like she always does.

Instead, she ignores her.

And keeps on coloring her picture.

But her pictures aren't pretty and happy anymore.

They're of little girls crying.

And of broken things.

Broken hearts.

Tears.

She draws what she feels.

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**A/N:** So what did you guys think? Review, I appreciate it! 


	3. Okay

**Title:** It's a Big Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** K+

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

**A/N:** Here's chapter trois! Okay, tell me what you think, PLEASE, I have low self esteem. Thanks!**

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**Okay**

**(Age Eleven)**

She's almost all grown up now.

Almost big enough to fit into the 'Teens' section.

Almost needs a bra.

Almost.

She's at that awkward age.

When she wants affection.

Compliments.

She needs to know that she's going to end up okay.

She doesn't get any of that.

At school, she's perfectly fine.

Teachers dote on her.

She makes good grades.

She wants her mother to be proud.

But it seems like she can never be pleased.

She ignores the high marks.

Comments on the low ones.

She can never be good enough.

She makes a 96 on her math test.

It's the highest grade in the class.

By almost ten points.

She's so proud.

The teacher praises her.

Her classmates envy her.

She runs home from the bus stop.

Anxious to show her mother.

But she's not home.

So she waits.

Makes herself a sandwich.

Does her homework.

Watches TV.

Finally, she hears the door open.

She runs downstairs.

"Mom, mom, guess what?"

"What, Meredith?"

She sounds tired.

Like she doesn't have enough time for her daughter.

Suddenly shy, she can't seem to find her voice.

It's obvious her mother doesn't care.

Why did she think that this test would be any different?

"Oh, I, uh, I got a 96 on my math test, see?"

Her mother looks at it.

Obviously checking her mistakes.

And then,

"Well, why didn't you get a 100?"

She feels like she's been punched in the stomach.

Tears well in her eyes.

Her mother looks at her.

"Why are you crying? For heaven's sake, you're eleven years old; you're too old to be crying. Go clean yourself up."

She runs upstairs, and locks herself in the bathroom.

She sobs silently until she doesn't have any more tears.

The next day at school, she's silent.

Doesn't raise her hand once.

The teacher looks concerned.

Asks her if something's wrong.

She replies that no, nothing's wrong.

Everything's fine.

But she's lying.

Everything isn't fine.

It hasn't been for a long, long time.

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**A/N:** I'll try to update again as fast as I can, but I'll go faster if you REVIEW! 


	4. Bad

**Title:** It's a Big Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

**A/N:** Okay, I think it was a site glitch, but I couldn't log on for like three days. Sorry about the delay, and PLEASE REVIEW!**

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**Bad**

**(Age Fourteen)**

Meredith Grey is a bad girl.

Everybody knows it.

Even the teachers.

They look at her and sigh.

Wonder what happened.

She used to be such a nice girl.

…

She rarely does homework.

She's always partying.

Far too experienced for a 14 year old.

Too grown up.

The sad part is, her mother doesn't even know.

…

There's a party this weekend.

It's at a senior's house.

She's going.

She always goes.

…

She's putting on eyeliner in the mirror.

Dressing as sexy as she can.

She's hot, and she knows it.

She definitely doesn't look fourteen.

…

The party is loud.

Everyone's drinking.

She is, especially.

Alcohol numbs her pain.

She knows the guys are looking at her.

She's that one hot freshman.

She already has a bad reputation.

She doesn't care.

…

A guy walks up to her.

He's cute.

Older than her.

A senior.

He's talking to her.

She nods, and smiles.

She doesn't really care about what he has to say.

He looks her over.

"Hey, let's go upstairs, where it's quieter, okay?"

She shouldn't.

But he's cute.

And he likes her.

So she follows.

He ushers her into a bedroom.

She knows what's coming.

She goes in anyway.

He closes the door.

…

When it's over, she puts her clothes back on.

Sits on the floor.

Holding her knees to her chest.

She thought it would make her feel loved.

Wanted.

Needed.

But now she just feels lonely.

Again.

…

That night, she drinks so much, they have to carry her home.

They dump her on the front doorstep.

When Ellis Grey heads out to work the next day, she trips over her daughter's sleeping form.

…

When she wakes up the next day, there's a bottle of aspirin next to her bed.

She has a massive hangover.

And a head full of unpleasant memories.

She expects a lecture from her mother.

Secretly, she doesn't mind.

At least her mother will finally acknowledge her existence.

But all she says is,

"I'm very disappointed in you."

And then she forgets about her again.

…

The next weekend, she lets another guy take her upstairs.

Maybe this time it will be different.

Maybe this time she'll feel loved.

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**A/N:** So, what do you guys think? Let me know, please! 


	5. Break

**Title:** It's a Big Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** K+

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

**A/N:** Review, please!

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**Break**

**(Age Sixteen)**

It started with a class discussion.

They were talking about love.

And its different meanings.

Romantic love.

Platonic love.

Familial love.

And it all of a sudden occurred to her that no one loved her.

No one.

And then the tears were threatening to come.

So she asked to go to the nurse.

Claimed a headache.

She walks outside the school.

Sits with her back against the brick wall.

And begins to cry.

She can't stop.

She hasn't cried since she was eleven years old.

And all of a sudden, the dam has burst.

…

She's there for a while.

She hears a voice.

"Are you okay?"

She nods.

If she tries to say anything coherent, she'll only embarrass herself.

She looks up.

It's a guy.

A cute guy.

An obviously bookish guy.

And, to her surprise, he sits himself down beside her.

"What's up?"

She's astonished that he cares.

That anyone cares.

She shakes her head.

"It's nothing. I'm just…overreacting."

He raises an eyebrow.

And looks at her.

She rolls her eyes.

"Fine. We were having a discussion in English and I, well, I kind of freaked out."

"Why?"

"It's none of your business."

"Maybe it is."

"No, it isn't. I don't even know you!"

"I know you. Meredith Grey, right? The one who aces every test despite never doing her homework or showing up for class because she's too busy pursuing, well, extracurricular activities?"

She sighs, and leans her head against the wall.

"That's me."

"So what makes Meredith Grey cry?"

"It's hard to explain."

"I'm listening."

It's weird.

She doesn't know him.

She doesn't even know his name.

But she likes talking to him.

He doesn't judge her for what she's done.

And she's done a lot.

She **is **the class slut, after all.

"We were talking about love."

He stares at her.

"And I got upset."

He's regained his voice.

"Well, that's understandable."

"No. I don't mean like love made me cry. It's more like lack thereof."

He's silent.

"I don't even have any friends, for Christ's sake!"

He shrugs.

"I can be your friend."

"I don't even know your name."

"John. John Wells."

…

And he is her friend.

He doesn't judge her for what she's done.

She likes him.

As in, like likes him.

But when he asks her out, she rejects him.

Because she's too scared of love.

Too scared of getting hurt.

She's spent her whole life getting hurt.

Being broken.

And while she knows John would never break her, the fear is there.

And so she goes back to being alone.

With no one to love her.

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**A/N:** So, what do you think? Review? As a birthday present? Thanks! 


	6. Hope

**Title: **It's a Big Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** K+

**Disclaimer:** Don't own nothing.

**A/N:** Hope you like!

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**Hope**

**(Age Eighteen)**

She's finished.

With school.

With her mother.

Just finished.

She can't wait to escape to a world where no one knows her.

Where no one will judge her by her bad reputation.

Everybody's surprised.

It's written all over their faces.

They're surprised that Meredith Grey, Train Wreck Extraordinaire, managed to graduate.

Truth be told, she's a little surprised too.

…

It's almost graduation.

She's nervous.

And excited.

And dreading it, a little bit.

It symbolizes the end of her childhood.

But not the end of innocence.

No, she lost her innocence a long time ago.

…

She hopes he comes.

Deep down, she knows he won't.

But she can still hope.

He's never come before.

All her school performances, and soccer games, and dance recitals.

He never went.

But high school graduation is a big deal.

Everybody's parents go.

Even the ones who are in the middle of a nasty divorce and have to sit as far away from each other as possible.

Everybody's parents, except hers.

She doesn't know if her mother will go.

She told her, the other day.

But she knows her mother doesn't have time for her.

She's just hoping, again.

…

Only two more hours.

Everybody else's parents got them graduation presents.

Hers didn't.

She tries not to let it bother her.

…

She wonders if he even knows she's graduating.

If he cares.

All she can do is hope.

…

She's getting in her car.

Her mother's still at work.

She's beginning to realize.

That she'll be the only one who no one takes pictures of.

The only one without proud parents and jealous siblings.

She'll be alone.

…

She's standing in line.

Wearing her cap and gown.

And hoping against hope that they'll show up.

…

She walks across the stage.

And somehow, she knows.

They didn't come.

She takes her diploma.

Shakes the principal's hand.

And a single tear winds its way down her cheek.

They didn't come.

…

That night, there's a party.

She goes, for old times' sake.

One last high school party.

It won't be the last time she wakes up with no memory of the night before.

It won't be the last drunk hook-up.

And it definitely won't be the last time she tries to cure her loneliness with alcohol.

…

She's filled with an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness.

Screw hope.

It only leads to disappointment.

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**A/N:** Again, I hope you liked it, and please review! Thanks! 


	7. There

**Title:** It's a Big Girl World

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Rating:** T (Naughty words, nothing more)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own nothing.

**A/N:** So I was in an incredibly bad mood, and the beginning is really angsty, and then it inexplicably turned almost fluffy. Almost, mind you. And I really like this chapter, so I hope you guys feel the same. Enjoy!

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**There**

**(present day)**

She's curled up in her bed.

The memories just won't go away.

They replay in her head.

Over and over.

The hurt and the pain.

The loneliness.

Her mother died today.

Her mind can't quite grasp it.

In the back of her mind, she thought she'd be there forever.

Always there, but never _there._

She wasn't there on birthdays.

Or graduations.

Or soccer games, or ballet recitals.

But she was there when people looked at her.

When they saw Ellis Grey's daughter.

Maybe that would never change.

Maybe her mother would always be there.

Haunting her.

Making her feel incompetent.

Like she wasn't good enough.

She wonders if she'll turn out like her mother.

She hopes not.

God, she _really_ hopes not.

And suddenly she's crying.

She's not sure if it's grief.

Or fear.

Fear of becoming her mother.

All she knows is that she can't stop.

The flood gates have opened.

There's no stopping the tears now.

…

She's not sure how long she lays there.

All she knows is that it's dark when someone knocks.

She would tell them to go to hell.

But she seems to have lost her voice.

"Meredith? Are you okay?"

She would like to scream that no, she's not okay.

Maybe she never was.

Instead she just croaks feebly.

"I'll be fine."

It's a lie.

She doesn't feel like she'll ever be fine.

She waits for the door to close.

So she can wallow in pity some more.

Alone.

But to her surprise, the voice doesn't go away.

It's joined by more voices.

Whispering to each other.

And then, they're all coming in.

Izzie, and George, and Cristina.

Even Alex.

Izzie gets on the bed first.

The other three follow suit.

And after much elbowing and pinching and wriggling, the five of them are all on the bed.

She's in the middle.

Izzie's on her right side; and Alex is on her left.

No one says anything.

They don't need to.

She knows they're there.

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**A/N:** That was the last chapter, and I'll really miss writing this. It's one of my favorites. So...review, please. 


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